It can feel daunting, as the way these conversations are handled can leave a lasting impact. Worries about ‘getting it wrong’ can be petrifying and can prevent conversations from even starting. However, there is no ‘right way’ to have these conversations, and waiting for a perfect moment more often leads to unspoken wounds and buried secrets.
Here are some simple steps you can take to help ease and approach difficult topics with family, loved ones and friends:
- Prepare for the Conversation. Take a moment to prepare yourself. Reflect on the message and its potential impact. This preparation is not solely about the content of the conversation but also about bracing yourself for the emotional response that may ensue. This is just a moment, don’t fall into the trap of over rehearsing or trying to plan for every possible contingency. Prepare yourself, set realistic expectations that it may not go how you want it to, and that’s okay to
- Set the Stage. If possible, pick an environment that is free from distractions, and allows for a more focused and sincere exchange.
- Be Clear, Direct, but Gentle. Start with an acknowledgment of the situation’s gravity, such as, “I need to share something important with you,” and proceed with clarity.
- Avoid Blame. Steer clear of language that could be interpreted as accusatory. Phrases like “You make me feel” imply that the other person is responsible for your emotions, which can lead to defensiveness. Instead, focus on your experience and use “I” statements, such as, “I feel overwhelmed when…”
- Allow Space for Others. After conveying the message, be present and attentive. Offer a listening ear or a comforting presence, adapting to the recipient’s needs. Some may seek dialogue, while others may prefer quiet reflection.
- Maintaining Respect and Understanding. Throughout the interaction, uphold respect for the individual and the circumstances. Be mindful of their emotions and beliefs, particularly when discussing deeply personal matters like loss, which are often intertwined with cultural or religious sentiments.
- Embracing Discomfort. Uncomfortable conversations are challenging but necessary for personal growth and understanding. Approach them with the intent to connect and comprehend, rather than to convince or win an argument.
- Find Common Ground. Conclude the conversation by reaffirming shared values and expressing gratitude for the relationship. It’s essential to recognize that differences in opinion are natural and that mutual respect is the foundation of meaningful dialogue.
Difficult conversations are…well… difficult.
This is not a checklist, and it will not prevent conversations from being awkward, painful, or potentially hurtful. It will be hard, and nothing will change that.
But there are things you can do to ease the strain, and help have the important conversations that are needed to maintain healthy relationships.
If you’d like to learn more about how to create healthy discussions, feel free to check out the Non-Violent Communications worksheets.
