When it comes to grief, there’s so many areas to explore and get curious about but before we talk about any specifics, we’re going to start with some of the basics.
Non-death losses
Some may believe that grief only applies after a death, however, grief also applies to non-death related experiences. These experiences can include:
- the ending of a relationship
- job loss
- life transitions
- chronic illness
- financial changes
- and more…
If we think of grief as the ending of something, we can find grief whenever and wherever we find change. Of course, all changes/losses are different and thus we may internally experience these losses differently as well.
Non-death losses are known as non-finite losses, the loss of non-tangible things. Described by Bruce and Schultz (2001) as grief that continues when areas of our life fall short of our expectations, or the clash between our aspirations or ideas and reality. For example, if from a young age I grew up aspiring to be a doctor and continued to work towards this goal my entire young adult life but then later find out I didn’t get accepted into medical school, there is a dissonance between the life I expected, and the life being lived. Non-finite grief is what I would feel when I realize my career and adult plans won’t be what I always imagined. There is a deep loss here that needs to be acknowledged and grieved.
Grieving vs Mourning
Grieving and mourning commonly get used interchangeably but there does exist a difference between the two.
- Grieving is not something others can see, it’s what happens to us on the inside after a loss. It’s the internal process and journey, such as our thoughts and feelings. Grieving does not have specific dimensions, rules, and it does not have a prescribed end date.
- Mourning on the other hand is what we do on the outside, the external expression of loss. It is the actions we take, our behaviours, rituals and customs. Often times this can be witnessed as crying, attending funerals, celebrations, etc.
Whether you’re grieving, mourning, or both, to integrate loss into our lives demands that you embrace your own unique responses, thoughts, and feelings.
More on Grief
In life we will all experience some type of grief, but those grief journeys will never be the exact same. Be mindful about not comparing your grief experience with that of others, you can do the work of mourning in your own special way. Consider taking a “one-day-at-a-time” approach and do not make assumptions about how long your grief should last or what it should look like – this will allow you to mourn at your own pace for what your mind and body feels is suitable for you.
