What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is as the name sounds, a drive for things to be perfect. Perfectionism is characterized by the tendency to set unrealistically high standards that are difficult or impossible to achieve. Those who struggle with perfectionism often believe that anything less than flawless is unacceptable, and even small mistakes are seen as disastrous. If you’re a perfectionist, you may find it difficult to stop working on tasks because of an internal feeling of it “not being good enough” or feeling like you can always do more.
Having high standards is not a bad quality. Often, it can help push us to peak levels of performance and can be a sign of good work ethic. However, perfectionism involves standards that are unrealistically high or can only be met with significant difficulty or distress.
While most people understand the importance of doing their best and acknowledge that occasional errors are a normal part of life, perfectionists tend to view mistakes as signs of failure or personal inadequacy, often feeling like they have let others down. This mindset makes the prospect of making mistakes particularly frightening. The constant drive for perfection can lead to chronic stress and dissatisfaction, as it becomes nearly impossible to meet their own expectations. The need for perfection is then often highly associated with their sense of self-worth. This can look like a need for a high-ranking career or personal achievement in order to feel worthy. Therefore, over time, perfectionists may begin to feel less capable than others, which can further erode their self-esteem.
Perfectionism is not to be confused with OCD.
Signs of Perfectionism
Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself if you’re unsure if you may struggle with perfectionistic tendencies:
- Do I have difficulty meeting my own standards?
- Do I have difficulty delegating or feel a need to control situations when outcomes are uncertain?
- Do I often feel frustrated, impatient, depressed, anxious, or irritable while trying to meet my own expectations?
- Am I overly critical of my own work or the work of others? Having excessive focus on minor details or flaws.
- Have I been told that my standards are too high?
- Do my expectations make it difficult for me to meet deadlines, finish a task, trust others, or do anything spontaneous?
Causes of Perfectionism
- Genetics: Some studies suggest that genetics can contribute anywhere from approximately 20-40% of perfectionism.
- Parental influence: As humans we are hardwired to seek the love and approval of our parents. Thus, when parents have high expectations of their children, and their love or approval is interpreted as conditional based on academic achievement it can contribute to the development of these tendencies.
- Anxiety: Perfectionism can be a coping tool for anxiety. For example, if you’re anxious about the outcome of something you may try to ease your anxiety by attempting to take control and spend lots of time working on it to try and prevent the undesired outcome.
- Low self-esteem: You may try to do things perfectly in order to receive praise.
- Social/Cultural expectations: Some social and cultural environments such as schools can often place high value on achievements. This can create significant internal pressure to perform or compete with colleagues. These environments often highlight minor errors and lack constructive feedback. This pushes students towards perfectionism in an environment that already uses positive reinforcement to gain approval or awards.
- Early life experiences: Experiences such as neglect, trauma or unhealthy family dynamics can encourage perfectionism tendencies as a means of coping, to avoid feelings of fear or criticism, or maintain a sense of control.
Dimensions of Perfectionism
These tendencies appear in three various ways:
- Self-oriented: requirement of the self to be perfect
- Other-oriented: requirement of others to be perfect
- Socially prescribed: perception that others require us to be perfect.
Consequences of Perfectionism
Mental health
- Increased stress levels
- Increased anxiety symptoms
- Risk of disordered eating
- Elevated risk of depression
- Low self-esteem or self-worth
- Risk of suicidal thoughts or behaviours
Physical health
- Greater risk of burnout
- Difficulties with sleep
- Chronic headaches
- Cardio-vascular concerns
Other
- Social disconnection or relationship problems
- Procrastination or avoidance
- Negative attitudes towards help seeking behaviours
- Discomfort when receiving help
Coping with Perfectionism
- Awareness Building – In order to make change, it’s important to be able to well recognize what you’d like to change. Journaling daily can help you increase mindfulness around thoughts, emotions, behaviours or themes that reinforce perfectionism.
- Realistic Thinking – You’ve most likely had these thought tendencies for quite some time. Thus, your desired change won’t happen overnight. Set reasonable and realistic goals for yourself. Start small to build up motivation and confidence.
- Thought challenging – Remind yourself that making mistakes is natural, it’s how you learn and grow. Know that perfection does not exist.
- Self-Compassion – Allow yourself to make mistakes and alter negative self-talk. See our blog on how to practice self-compassion.
- Baby Steps – Break down tasks into smaller more achievable goals. You may notice your focus often lies on the end goal which can be overwhelming and lead to feelings of failure. Breaking things down can promote feelings of accomplishment and motivation.
- Exposure Practice – Activity: create a painting or drawing with the intention of it being awful. Notice what comes up for you or try to focus on enjoying the creative process.
- Therapy – Therapy can be helpful especially if your tendencies are rooted in anxiety, negative life experiences, or trauma. Working through your past with a trauma therapist can help facilitate compassion and understanding, release stored tension and increase ease in applying other strategies.
