The spring holiday season can often come with painful reminders, like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and a new birthday season. These reminders often come in the form of retail advertisements and promotions, social media, or from the pressure/expectations we experience by society and our own families. There’s also the glaring reminder that the world continues to move forward with this new spring season, when we might still feel stuck. You’re not alone in this feeling.
These reminders can be extremely difficult if you’re experiencing a loss; whether it’s the loss from the death of a loved one, or the loss of a relationship you had hoped to have in your life.
Whether it was a choice to go no-contact, or something you had no control over like a death, an accident, or someone else’s choice – your emotions that accompany these experiences are all valid.
Grief can occur from many parts of our life, and each grief experience is unique – just like a fingerprint. Grief doesn’t only occur after experiencing death but is also a feeling we experience after any kind of loss. Such as, when we cut ties with harmful relationships, when we experience a breakup, after losing a job, cancelling a trip, or even for the things we wish could have been.
If you’re experiencing grief right now, here are some tips on how to take care of yourself during this time:
1. Opt out ahead of time:
Many companies have designed a new feature where you can opt out of their Mother’s/Father’s day promotional emails. You can also silence your notifications on the days/periods you predict may feel harder for you.
2. Spend time in nature:
Nature is a place that provides us with physical proof that life does go on and helps promote feelings of peace and acceptance. There’s also evidence that being in nature can improve physical and mental health by strengthening our immune system, and by reducing feelings of depression and anxiety. Going for a walk helps us both symbolically and physically move forward, no matter what emotion you’re experiencing. Think about your loved one, or the hope you had during your walk – cry while looking at the trees and plants! Even if it’s a brief moment outside or a short walk, you can do it alone or with someone else.
3. Talk to someone about how you're feeling:
Whether it’s a close friend/family member, a help line, or a counsellor! Talk about your loss, and find the friends or support system that can talk about in-depth stuff and that don’t shy away from the hard or difficult emotions. You can express what you expect out of their support. For example, let them know you’re looking for an empathetic ear and that you’re not looking for solutions. Grief needs to be expressed; the emotion needs motion.
4. Remember, your feelings are valid:
Reminiscing of what was, romanticizing what could have been, or fantasizing about the potential of a parent is not uncommon. It’s normal to experience sadness, anger, longing, relief, loneliness, or any other emotion – we just hope that you don’t have do this on your own. Isolation can be an important part of your grief path but should only be a stop along the way.
5. Light a candle in memory of a loved one:
Lighting a candle is a ritual that can help you honour the relationships that you miss no matter if they’ve moved on from this plane, or they’re still present across town from us.
6. Celebrate old or new traditions:
Continuing old traditions can bring a sense of closeness to the person you’re thinking of and can be a way to celebrate their life/relationship with you. For some, it might be too painful to continue old traditions and you may choose to make new traditions. For instance, if you typically purchased a gift for someone on a special holiday and they’re no longer with you, you could consider donating that money you would have spent on a special charity. Think of creating new traditions with friends, your pet, or treating yourself! Doing some good on a sad day might make the day feel a little brighter.
7. Get extra rest:
Tough emotions mixed with holidays can feel extra exhausting. Allow yourself 8 hours of sleep per night and allow yourself time during the day to rest. Fatigue can often magnify the emotional roller coaster of our emotions making it more difficult to manage. Figure out what can bring a state of rest to your emotions and engage in it without judgement: things like movies, music, a trip, or maybe just having nothing to do.
8. Be authentic and true to yourself:
Just because other people may be excited or happy for these holidays, doesn’t mean you need to force a smile and play along. Observe your emotions and think of them as waves coming and going (some might be bigger waves than others!). Don’t try to push your emotion away, or amplify it. Remember, you’re not your emotions. You’re allowed to grieve a loved one for as much time as you need. You’re allowed to cut off a toxic family member. You’re allowed to stay true to yourself.
9. Create your own meaning:
Society has commercialized the meaning of the spring holidays – from buying mom flowers, taking dad out to golf, or giving someone a fancy gift. In other words, society has tried to teach us to express our love with material gifts. It’s important to take a moment to reconfigure the meaning you’d like to assign to these holidays, and do what works best for you. Perhaps, it’s just another normal day. Or maybe it’s a day you celebrate other mother/father figures in your life. It could also be a day where you observe the loss of your family member. You can decide what works for you.
Remember: Each grief is unique, do what feels right and appropriate for YOU.
